The Trouble With Alaska

Since at least the late Fall of 2000 when like minded scholars and thinkers at large began contemplating the possibility of a transnational Western North American Secession from the NAFTA states ("The Pacifica Secession"), these selfsame scholars and thinkers at large realized that the crux of successfully leveraging the Pacifca Secession against the combined economic and military will of the NAFTA states would be securing that 'Last Frontier' Alaska. However crudely, this key concern is illustrated in the graphic below. Namely: They are different then Us.

But what is the reason for this arctic quagmire? If they’re going to be bothersome, why include them anyway? Certainly, if they need to be convinced, or, dare we say, coerced, are they really worth having? Would it not be counter to the ideals set forth in the very notion of an independent Republic of Pacifica? Unfortunately, the Trouble with Alaska is that they are strategically vital aesthetically and economically, and are therefore a socio-political roadblock to the mere notion of a Free Pacifca. As is often the case when an author iterates key concerns in a linear statement, these three key concerns are best addressed in the order in which they appear. It is the hope of this collection of notes to reconcile this conundrum for the betterment of the Republic.

Aesthetically:

Can there be such a thing as a Free Pacifica, if such a union extends only to the Yukon Territory? Consider the abrupt end at the ~60th parallel to what should be such a graceful arc extending to the furthest reaches of the Aleutian Islands. One can already imagine the well founded inquiries of 1st graders throughout the school districts of this already abortive republic, decrying our obvious failure as they trace the manifest destiny of such a beautiful arc extending from Cabo San Lucas northward: “Why not here [Alaska], too?” Indeed. Why not here too?


Economically:

Vital resources: Oil; Wildlife, the Airline, “Grandma went to ___ and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” industry, the northern flank to secure a monopoly of all Asian-American shipping routes. The new Republic will thrive on its vast natural and cultural resources including the specialized labor of the tech sector, the breadbasket/cash machine of the San Juaquin Valley, the Hollywood/Vancouver film industry, and of course, what will prove to be the backbone in several senses of our economy, gaining a monopoly on veritably all shipping routes to the NAFTA States via the three major ports of Los Angeles/Long Beach, San Francisco/Alameda, and Seattle. Once this veritable monopoly is secured, we will create a key committee whose job it will be to enforce a system of tariffs on all goods being shipped through The Republic to the United States, Canada, or Mexico, assuring that the Republic can maintain it's monopoly against the rival Panama Canal shipping lane. To achieve this, the committee must regularly figure the cost of shipping through the Canal to the eastern seaboard of the US, Canada and western Mexico, and undercut this cost by a significant margin while still providing the Republic with a sizable income for all cargo traveling through its borders. Of course, for this plan to work, at least two liabilities need to be addressed: constant vigilance including a seditious lobbying campaign, and/or sabotage against the establishment of a competitive west coast Mexican port that is adequately connected to the transportation network; and the possession of Alaska as a territory to assure that Anchorage is not converted to a super-port tied into the transportation network via the Northwest Territory of Canada, forming that long sought after and mythical ‘Northwest Passage’. The same can of course be said of the oil reserves that are found in Alaska that will be equally valuable as both an energy source and a marketable commodity to the Republic of Pacifica (which may consider joining OPEC), clearly valuable as leverage against the oil thirsty United States. It should also be noted that if the shipping monopoly becomes impracticable, holding Alaska as real estate to be bartered to the United States in return for military security, economic benefit or wads of cash may be a prudent option, especially considering the political leanings and sexual frustrations of most Alaskans which are generally foreign to the hoi polloi of Greater Pacifica (see infra).

Socio-Politically

Here of course is where a good deal of the trouble arises with Alaska. They are a bunch of conservative, sexually frustrated, gun-toting men, who could throw a serious wrench in the active consensus making of our new like minded republic and are moreover not afraid of bears, a species that will prove to be a key military asset in both The New-Revolutionary War and Counter-Insurgency strategy for Orange County and Outlying Regions. However, it is the belief of the author that the more extreme ursine measures that may prove necessary south of the “Citrus Line” (as Maximilien Robespierre once said “Pity is treason”) will not be necessary for our Compatriots in The Land of the Midnight Sun. Rather, by enacting the following measures, the familiar attitudes of the Pacifican Spirit can quickly be inspired in the hearts of our Alaskan Comrades.

Women

The ratio of men to women in Alaska is several percentage points below the 'national’ average. If the odds of scoring a mate are slim in the first place, you are going to be partial to a restrictive, conservative social more that will support your good fortune blessing of sexual communion. Therefore, as a Republic we must counter with a substantial disincentive for this behaviour. First order of business: send a coalition of the willing up there, true first-class patriots to relieve some of that sexual tension.

Birth-Right Pilgrimages

Without endorsing the Nation of Israel, the Republic could follow the lead of those Zionist indoctrination programs that sponsor trips for any Jew to visit Israel. In this way, send native Alaskans down to LA, SF, or TJ for a debauched educational two weeks, thereby solidifying their allegiance to the cultural centers and sentiments of their New Republic. This government subsidized travel would also support the massive leisure sector during the transitional instability while borders with the NAFTA states would necessarily be sealed as a security precaution (we cannot depend solely on the Germans and the Japanese during the adolescence of this new, More Perfect Union).

Build a Nueva Las Vegas in the Alexander Archipelago

Let us face facts folks. We want Las Vegas anyway. We eliminate it as a competitor, and then build a new one on one of the islands south of Juneau. The Alaskans get another wildly profitable market, there already is an established cruise based tourism infrastructure on the corridor, and it will still only be 3 hours to Vegas by air from Los Angeles (which can also be initially subsidized to get the ball rolling).

It is my hope that with these shortsighted and preliminary considerations in mind, we will be able to negotiate The Trouble With Alaska, and secure the More Perfect Union in the name of The Republic of Pacifica, indeed, a Repulbic From Sea to That Same Shining Sea!

Addional Reading of a Lost page retrieved from google as a cached page: The Nation of Pacifica